Saturday, November 3, 2012

... Speechless!

Ever thought how it feels like to have so much to say, yet  there are no words meant for you?
Ever imagined how helpless you feel when your eyes don't say all you want them to?
Ever thought how magical it feels like to be.. Speechless?!

Ever had that chance to know someone who has left you... Speechless?

No?  But may be. This time. She has.

This is a new chapter in her life. A new beautiful beginning!

This chapter feels immensely beautiful. It makes her feel how fairytale's exist in real lives too... That new bright chapter of her life!

She now knew what people meant when they say.. "Reality at times is better than dreams". She now knew what it means to be lost in someone's eyes. She now knew how it feels to be complete with someone. She now knew how it feels to walk a mile for someone.She now knew how it feels like to be cold. She now knew how it feels to be loved
.

And.. 


She now knew how it feels to be ... Speechless !! :-)

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

A walk to remember

Everyone knew how happy rains made her. Those downpours made her realize her existence in humanity. And well, that was one such day.

Sara was standing at her balcony, watching the rain drops refresh the dying earth. Her cell phone flashed his name.  Skipping of heartbeat was quite a natural phenomenon for her now.  Everytime she met him, everytime she looked at him , her heart ran for a marathon win.  To pick up within 2 seconds would sound so desperate, she thought. And so, after almost 5 rings, she did what she was best at.. Pretended to be normal. 

Mr X : Hey. How are you doing?

Sara : ( Almost dead) Well, trying to act normal.

Mr X: What??

Sara : My bad! I meant, trying to enjoy the rain.

Mr X : hah! I was just passing by.  Want to accompany me for a walk?

Sara didn’t know how to react. A quick yes or a thoughtful yes?  Because saying a no was almost next to impossible.

Sara : I had to finish off some of my pending assignments. So, I am confused now. What if you go alone?

Mr X : Don’t act like what you are not.  Stop being a bore. Be ready in 5. I’ll be there.

She smiled, he smiled. Problem solved.

He was there.  She saw him from a distance and couldn’t resist smiling to her ownself.  He was everything she wanted him to be.  Tripping over a few stones and managing to maintain his balance he greeted her with a sheepish hello.

“How typical”, she thought. 

“Come on. Move now”.  He pulled her forward.

He had so much to tell her, so much to make fun off. And she had nothing to offer him with. All she could do was to push away all those emotions as far as she could and avoid showing the pink side of her personality to him.  One smile and it would be the end of the world.  To look into his eyes was something she could never do.  They were something.  They did something completely unimaginable to her.

Not knowing how that one hour went by, Sara was shaken to reality by him.

“Here, your destination arrives. Thankyou for the company. But, were you even listening to me all this while? Serious doubt issues, you know”. He said.

Nothing could’ve been as disappointing for her as the end of this walk was.

“Sigh. I wish I could hear you some more.”

“Wait, what?”

“Oh! Nothing.  Take care. See you tomorrow”

And today. It was the same day, the same rain, the  same balcony.  She was standing right there to wish for her cellphone to flash his name. Her eyes looked for him everywhere she went. All  she hoped for was a loud call from behind.  And all she got was some more of his memories to  think upon. 

Had she heard him more that day, she would’ve been more sure about herself.  But, this is how complicatedly simple the world around her was.  Probably, more than that! :)

Friday, July 27, 2012

May be..


Dear  diary,
I think I lost to nobody but my own self today. There are times when leaving aside everything; you have a thing for yourself. And, somehow it refuses to subside in me now. One of those days when you think you need to be with nobody but yourself? You somewhere sit down and think what did I gain out of all this?  Some more of drama?  Some more of bad experiences?  And probably some more of harm to your self respect? 

I always thought silence is the best answer to that every calamity that comes in our way. But, what if it’s the same silence that makes you a devil in disguise for people? And by people I don’t mean a random stranger passing by me. I mean that someone who you thought found words in you, in your gestures and in that twinkle of your eye. 

I respect the world made by him, the one who is sitting above. And, every time I look out for reasons to love it, he welcomes me with bundle full of reasons why to not. Why to be good when there is so much of hatred around? Why to love when there are people who need reasons to give up? Why to care when there are people who will STILL rebuke you? My question is WHY? Why do I need reasons everytime? Why can there be not a single person to prove me that this is not a selfish world?

It is high time that I start to value this quote I once thought was very silly. “People don’t change. They just become more of themselves.”  And, that little more of them needs to be known, known well before it creates a whirlpool of emotions inside you.

May be, I have been a wrong judge to people. May be I need to learn. May be I should stop here itself. And may be, I am done now. May be this world is more than just being Complicatedly Simple. Maybe!

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Time : the healer?

While listening keenly to the conversation happening between my mom and her sister, I figured out something. It is believed by several that "Time is the best healer" likewise laughter is the best medicine.

So, you tell me that..Time will heal all the wounds and the bruises will cease to exist? That, the everlasting scars will somehow recover themselves and the memories will be forgotten?

Time cannot heal. No! It does not heal. It just makes pain easier to deal with and It becomes okay if nostalgia knocks or a familiar face is seen. No. No. Nooo! Why don't you understand? It's not because you've been healed. The heart doesn't heal. It can NEVER heal. For you can't untouch what has been touched or for that matter unlive, what has been lived. Ofcourse not.

With time, yes.. It just becomes quite smooth to deal with the pain. Your level of resistance increases. I studied about some theory in Biology. It had something to do with how , the level of resistance increases as the object gets used to it. For instance, you will react if I slap you on DAY 1, and on DAY 2 .. but on DAY 7? No! You wont react anymore because you'll be expecting it. You will expect me to slap you and be so sick of reacting. So tired of the whole act repeating time and again that you might not even react. You will sit there, sipping your tea with that little pinky finger pointing out. You will make small talk with all the people around you, to help you get distracted about what is inevitable. The Slap. You will smile politely as you see me coming. Laugh at someone's joke and High Five the person next to you, because it's all you can really do. There is no way of stopping me and you know that so well. I stand right infront of you while you take that last sip and prepare yourself. I slap you. You look away and continue with the charade like nothing happened. Because that is what you've become good at. Pretending. The Pretend Game. It's lovely and you win. You win all the time. Victory tastes good, so sweet on your tongue. So new, but you've become so good at this game. Ah! not an amateur.

But, I will come again. I won't care about your disappointment. I will still come tomorrow to repeat. My slap will STILL hurt you like it did the very first day. Except now, you've gotten so used to it, you don't care. Yes, probably that's the right emotion, to not care.

Hah! Time doesn't heal. Time never heals, it makes you indifferent. And master that indifference my friend. It will help you move on.

Time? No. Time is not the best healer.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Everything I do.. Everything I did.. !

What an amazing weather outside !! It feels as if the mother nature is suddenly so happy with the inhabitants of earth. I can fly with the wind.. and dance with the falling drops of the rain today! This evening makes everything looks so beautiful.

While she puts her playlist on, to get into the feel of this weather… The first song that plays is a Bryan Adams number. “Everything I do, I do it for you”… Hah! Just now, standing on terrace and watching the weather take its most amazing form.. she was wondering something. Hoping to go on a long walk.. a walk which would have no end.. A walk in the pouring rain.. And suddenly, got reminded of something that should’ve been out by now. That one Sunday... Damn!

She was talking to him.. in that shit cold weather.. so strong of the winds.. and that un-imaginable amazing moment. To that every promise he made , to that every protective hugs she got.. only to know he was there.. he would always be there.. in the thunders.. the lightning’s.. and the cold storms.. with the sky as the witness.. the trees as the supporters.

“There’s no love.. like your love. And no other could give more love”..


All she could do that day was.. Dance in her best dress….. FEARLESS! Fearless ‘cause she knew even if she falls.. he’d be there to hold her back

“I’d fight for you.. I’d die for you.. Walk a mile for you.”


Sadly.. nothing of it was true. No promises.. No witnesses.. NOTHING!

Life mocks at you so happily at times. With every step that she took to move on.. it pushed her back to the same place that she got started with.

It always guided her.. asked her not to repeat things..” they are not worth fighting for”..


But, may be…that was her believe in the four letter word.. that made her say..

“You know it’s true.. Everything I do, I do it for you”
:-)

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Just Like That :)

No. I am not dead. And my blog is alive too. While most of you must be wondering as to why February passed by without a single post. I need to confess about my love-sick syndrome. Well, that was because of my “decision” to NOT blog in the love month, about love AT ALL! :D And now since it’s March.. Here I am with my “Complicatedly simple” thoughts. *winks*

It was today that I was thinking about the people who are “Famous”.[ By famous I mean, those amazing celebrities stylishly coming out of their Audi R8’s and Roll’s Royce’s. ]

An extremely smart person has very rightly commented, “A celebrity is a person who works hard all their life to become well known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized”

So,
To all those with fame ,

I’ve heard some of you say something in your interviews about working hard to make it because you “knew” you would someday. You just had this feeling that you were meant to be known, and that’s what fueled your journey. Sometimes I feel like I have the same energy. I can see myself on the stage, singing. I truly think I can belt out a tune until I try to, and for a moment the energy is gone. I think I can dance too. Hell! I do that everyday infront of the mirror and it doesn’t look half bad. But, there are others that can actually dance, and I just don’t compare. When I hear advertisements for talent agencies on the radio I have day dreams that I a girl of zero experience or instruction, could just show up at one of these events and instantly be recognized as a big star. They would probably laugh at me in real life…. Or tell me that I should model? No, I am too short :P

So, why do I feel this way like I should be known? I have dreams of being on the big red carpet, seeing myself on the idiot box, being interviewed and then have to wake myself to the reality. Is this the real feeling that I should be getting or simply a fantasy that most people have : D

May be I’ll never know……..

Sincerely,
Nivruti Tagotra

[ Learning to sign an autograph, just like that ;) ]

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

.."As she thinks"

She never thought that at one point of time in her life, she would sit up one night and wonder what was going wrong? Or maybe was it going right? All she could do was wonder. She had always been stubborn with her thoughts. She had made her own rules about life, applied her own logic to them. She had lived with people and adjusted well, loved and was equally loved, but her thoughts were born out of her own heart. She may not have spoken them out loud, but they existed firmly within her, explaining and growing all through.

And all of a sudden, she felt as if she was made to stand at the top of a hill and look below... at the city that lay in the valley. The same city where she had lived and never known, because she was in there, amidst the crowd. And now as she stood at the top of the hill, she saw the same things at a distant and from a different perspective. She was surprised and confused, because the things that were bigger and clearer once were at the moment far away, unclear, yet she had her view stretched far and things had started to relate. And standing there, she wondered what made her climb up the hill. Yes, that was what she worried about the most - the reason for that uphill climb.

And as she climbed higher, she realized the change within herself. The change was simple and ordinary. Like finding the same music noisy that was once a tribute to ears. Like moving from the bustle of a city to the silence of the skies. Like falling in love with a flute instead of the guitar. Like sitting by the uphill road and watch a damselfly fly by instead of holding hands with the man she loved.

As she takes time to reconcile her own thoughts. She smiles to pray, " I know where this leads me, to the best of what I always wished to witness" :-)