Sunday, December 25, 2011

A dreaming reality!

The images come to a screeching halt as the mind breaks into consciousness. The ears feel still numb as the deafening noise slowly fades away into the distance. I hear my own shaky breath as I swallow mouthfuls of air. The pictures are distorted now, they are moving away. Eyes snap shut again as the breath comes out in heavy gusts. The image was close. Very close. Too close. Too lifelike.

My forehead breaks into a frown as I try to comprehend why I can’t focus my eyes. Was it brighter before or did the room suddenly plunge into darkness? Was the music actually playing or was it just in my head? I could still hear the soft violin somewhere in the background. Like someone is crying. I shudder as I think of what I had witnessed moments ago. I bury my head in my knees as I swear to myself I could have reached out and touched him. I could feel the emotions brewing up. Slowly, like a placid candle flame, before it becomes wild. He was in a picture, a picture that was torn and ragged and black and white, as if from a time long ago and from a place far away. Yes, he was right there. That one sided smile was still intact. The soft chocolate brown luster in his eyes. He opened his mouth to say something and then he looked away. It seemed as if I had stopped him, asked him to go. And he was leaving. “Why are you going away?” I wanted to shout. Everything turned bright. So bright, my eyes began to hurt.

And then I heard someone whisper in my ear, “Get up, it’s late”. It was a different voice, and yet it was so familiar. I turned my head to see who it was, but all I could see was a white wall. I didn’t want to get up. I found myself in an unrecognizable place, a vast stretch of land underneath starless sky. I was screaming and I was not. I was walking and I was not. I was breathing but I could not. And yet I could hear the violin playing. As if someone was hiding somewhere not too far away, looking at me, with melancholic eyes. Foolishly, I dug at the ground with my bare hands, in a futile attempt to find a way out of the mess I was in. “What was I trying to do?”, I thought to myself, as I saw my nails getting clogged with dirt, “to look for somebody or to bury myself in?”

I take a long breath and exhale a sigh of relief as my feet touch the cold floor. It was nothing but a dream.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Dear heart..

Dear heart,

You are perhaps the most remarkable organ in the human body. you are the only organ which does not require a nerve impulse. I am impressed with your independence and your coordination.It is so amazing how you can pump 7571 litres of blood per day.
You beat 10.000 on an average per day without getting tired. Without you, we are just soul-less bodies. We know that. But, that's your job. So,just keep pumping blood and stop messing with our decisions and everything else.

A very confused kid.

Maybe my letter to the heart was over-dramatic, but as long as the message is grasped, being over dramatic is regardless.

So, what's the whole biological feeling like letter about?

Have you ever confronted such situations where you feel your heart gets way too involved in your decision? Ask me, because I know exactly how it feels.

Sometimes, I feel like ripping my heart apart, not knowing whats wrong and whats not.

People often say, follow your instincts. We often mistake doubts for instincts. I guess, what I am feeling now is a doubt and not an instinct. When you have finally made your final word and already taken up the first step - The devilish side of us ; the little red devil cartoon avatar with the two horns decides to get involve and give us a feeling of second doubt.

That depressing emotion sets your mind on a race with a multitude of questions in you.Your mind tends to spend all day finding for answer to find a way out of this hell. It slowly deflates your confidence and scrapes off your strength, leaving you helpless. Your much paralyzed state of mind, makes you nod to the little devil's whisper.

Nevertheless. we can control our minds, we can control our heart.

Discard all the unwanted thoughts. second doubts are lethal elements.

Take control over your mind and soul, don't let them take over you.

Doubt means, Don't move. Don't answer. Don't rush forward - I don't believe in Dont's


Monday, November 7, 2011

Scattered remains of a perfect illusion.

She sleeps with her eyes half-open and voices bother her like unwanted visitors. She loves the smell of her bed-sheets. She loves to watch the world from the heights of her stilettos. She watches musicals about love and comedies about well, love. She folds herself and lies silently in between the pages of her paperbacks for hours. She bathes for hours. She waits for no one...for hours.

She drinks water in sips. She hates traffic. She loves those frills around her dresses.She love to fold the pillow covers. She loves dark chocolates. She loves the crust of the cakes. She likes her breath after a cup of coffee.

She wants to whistle when on a long walk, only she doesn't know how to. She wants to fly, alone. She wants to climb the highest of the mountains and sit there till the stars come by, alone. She wants to love someone. She wants to meet someone by the sea shore who would never let her go. She wants to be someone that she herself won't let go.

She lives in the extremes-dark nights or bright mornings. She gets intoxicated in twilights. She wilts on those lonely afternoons.

She loves to put her hands under her armpits on winters. She likes writing her name on the fogged window panes. She stands under the rain with an open mouth. She wears nothing but a thin linen of a cloth on summer afternoons. She sits at the edge of the cliff and watches the nature fill colors in springs. She likes rainbows.

She writes a diary. She writes a page every day and then tears it before she goes to sleep. Her diary is nothing but a book of torn pages. She is still as her shadow when she writes. She never confesses. She prays in whispers and sings in hums.

She is acutely sensitive to her surroundings. She falls in love with the sparks that fly around her. And when the world moves, she refuses to. Something freezes inside her. She walks ahead but her past lays frozen inside..

She smiles at you.. She smiles at me! She is somebody you can never be! :)

Monday, October 17, 2011

A diary page found amidst nothings.

..."She came, she saw, she tried and .." 25th november

For her.. the world looked perfect from her rose tinted spectacles. PERFECT. Imperfection, a term that never existed. Welcoming every morning with a smile, watching the pouring rain, enjoying the falling drops, noticing a puppy play. Yes, these little things. For her they weren't little.. they meant something. They had a meaning for her. A day without tummy aching laugh's was a day wasted. A day without the curling the ends of her lips had no meaning. Feeling the warmth of the sun, adoring the winds that brushed past her, gazing at the starry sky and peeping into the moonlight. Everything seemed so beautiful.

Yet, the world wasn't what she thought it to be. It was UGLY. It was rude. Everytime she gathered some courage to start things afresh, the ugly remains of past came gushing back. "No. They wont affect her", she thought. "This time, they wont. It'd be different this time. Very different from the past". Tripping over the stones, she managed to get up, dust off her clothes and act like nothing happened.

Walking through the new paths, she started off to look ahead. The same sun, the same adorable moon, the same amazing breeze and the same puppies rolling in the mud. It was a start of the "perfect" journey. The very thought of that little something filled her with extreme joy. She would smile to herself, not knowing the people around her are mocking at her. Adoring herself NOW was a new addition to her list of beautiful things.

Sadly, my friend,
This life is unfair. If it gives you one, it detaches you from two.

she fell. Yet again ..

But this time, she gave up. Drained of all the courage she had.. she gave up.

Not knowing what more the future has in store for her, She gave up.

Life, for her, had a new meaning now , a very different one this time.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Chromosome XX

Dear world,

It’s dark here. I can’t hear much. Just a dull vibe of the ultrasound, maybe. The fluids about me dance as the machine inspects my form. This moment is dense. I can feel her heartbeat, now, louder than ever. I can feel her pain, now, more than ever. I wish I had a voice to scream. I wish they had ears to hear. I wish all of us could feel.

But it doesn’t matter what I feel. To the world, I am yet, unborn. I am yet, not “alive”. I am just flesh and blood and bones, with life…and with a gender. After today, after the machine speaks its truth, I may never see the world. I might be severed from her and from the nourishment I need. I might be severed from the protection of her body. I might “die”. But as no one yet considers me alive, no one will mourn my death.

Even if I am brought out into the world, for fear of law, society or just someone’s conscience, my fate will not be much different. I will be deprived of food for satisfying a brother’s appetite. I will be deprived of an education to further suppress my being. I will be dominated over and my own defences will be shattered as others invade me. My body, my soul. My voice will be muffled so that a calcified voice can be heard. My strength will be termed a weakness and my wishes left unfulfilled. I will be made to work, without ever being acknowledged. I will be made to cry, without being heard. I will be sold, without receiving a price. I will be ostracized, if I ever dare to live my own life.
I will try and fail to show the world, that “he” is but a part of “her”. He cannot exist without her.

And now, it is growing darker. I feel strangled. I feel suffocated. I see my small world, in a bag, drain away before me. I know this is too soon. I know I can’t survive in this world so soon. I am not ready yet. But no one cares. In fact, this is exactly what they wish. They wish to kill me. They wish to have only a son.
It’s coming to an end now, and before me, I see the future. A future, in a world without me. Where only sons exist. Where they cannot find me to torture, to invade. So they are driven to but each other. To vent their frustrations, which they were so used to inflicting on me. There are only the last few of us remaining, and they live a life which doesn’t fit into the definition of the word. Mere objects, being passed on from one son to another. They choose to end their life. And now it’s only him. Only he reigns supreme in the world…alone.
And now there is a stagnating human world. They slowly die out. Without me, they are unable to have a ‘son’. And the world comes to an end because there isn’t any daughter.

As the darkness grows deep, as I suffocate more, I wish to die this death than to live in the man’s world. I choose to leave before I could enter. Because if they cannot give me a life, they do not deserve me.
I refuse to live in this “Man’s world”.

- Chromosome XX

Thursday, October 6, 2011

You know you grew up in India in the 90's

Read this somewhere.. and found THIS to be the perfect place to put it up! :)

You Know You Grew Up in India in the 90s When…
1) You know the words to ‘In-pin-safety-pin’ and ‘akkad-bakkad’ by heart
2) Cricket is almost a religion for you, and you idolize at least one of Rahul Dravid/Sachin Tendulkar/Saurav Ganguly
3) You have read at least some Chacha Chaudhary or Tinkle comics
4) You’ve watched Shaktimaan on TV at least once in your life. And you can immediately recognize the character when you see him.
5) You have some ‘NRI’ relatives.
6) You couldn’t wait for it to be December so you could have the Toblerone chocolates your NRI relatives brought you
7) You watched Cartoon Network, and then the late night movies on TNT that came after Cartoon Network ended.
8) You watched corny dubbed versions of Small Wonder, Silver Spoon, and I Dream of Jeanie
9) You were THRILLED when McDonald’s opened in your neighborhood (or even eight kilometers away)
10) A visit to Pizza Hut used to mean a special treat
11) You have seen Kuch Kuch Hota Hai and Hum Aapke Hain Kaun at least 5 times each
12) You still remember the theme song of Hum Paanch. (Hum Paanch, Pam Pam Pam Paanch!)
13) You have played hours upon hour of running and catching, chor-police, lagori, saankli, ‘Doctor, doctor, help us!’, ‘Lock and key’
14) You have seen girls play ‘Amina Super Sina’ more times than you can remember. (And you still don’t know what it means!)
15) Dog ‘in’ the bone was your favorite co-ed game.
16) Much of your free time in school was spent playing UNO.
17) You collected trump cards of wrestlers, cricketers, and airplanes, and did not quite understand why your younger siblings were obsessed with Pokemon and the other Japanese trends that followed.
18) Your summer vacations were often synonymous with visiting your grandparents or cousins
19) Your parents, at some point, told you ‘Dark Room’ was a bad game to play. But you still loved playing it.
20) Bole mere lips, I love uncle Chips!
21) You know the song ‘Made in India’ by Alisha Chinai
22) You have seen many many many episodes of ‘Antakshari’ on Zee TV and know the only thing constant in the show is Annu Kapoor.
23) Many evenings have been spent watching little kids gyrate vulgarly on Boogie Woogie on Sony.
24) You were the coolest thing in class if you had a computer in your house while it was still the 90s.
25) You learnt LOGO and BASIC in school!
26) You couldn’t wait to start 4th standard so you could start writing with PENS instead of with pencils!
27) You often used terms and phrases like ‘two-say’, ‘same to you, back to you, with no returns’, and ‘shame shame, puppy shame, all the donkeys know your name.’
28) You most probably saw Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge at the cinema at least once. You also fantasized about singing songs in mustard fields as in the movie.
29) You have seen David Dhawan and Govinda movies and laughed at them.
31) You have said ‘haw’ or ‘yuck’ when you saw people kissing in English movies. (nowadays kids are used to it!)
30) Titanic was your FIRST favourite english movie.
31) You thought seeing English movies and speaking English made you the coolest thing ever.
32) You remember the Gujarat earthquake very clearly and could possibly tell everyone EXACTLY what you were doing when the earthquake occurred (yes, this happened in 2001, January 26, 2001, to be exact — but this group is about the things that Indian kids that GREW UP in the 90s remember and identify with).
33) Barbies for girls, and GI Joes for boys were the ultimate status symbols. You just wanted more more more and more. And how can I forget Hot Wheels, for both boys and girls?
34) You thought ‘imported’ clothes were definitely way better than ‘made in India’ clothes (never mind that a lot of clothes brought from overseas by NRI relatives were actually made in India, before ‘Made in China’ started appearing on EVERY existing thing)
35) "Jungle Jungle Baat Chali Hai Pata Chala Hai! Chaddi Pehen Ke Phool Khila Hai Phool Khila Hai!" You watched "The Jungle Book" every Sunday morning at 9.a.m" and just loved mowgli, bhalu and bagheera. A few years later, you watched Disney Hour, which had cartoons like Aladdin, Gummy Bears, Tail Spin, Uncle Scrooge!
36) At some point or other, cool was your favourite, and therefore, most overused word.
37) Captain Planet was your first introduction to environmental consciousness.
38) You have tried to convince people around you to not burst crackers on Diwali, and then gone straight back home and burst them yourself.
39) You have had endless packets of Parle Gluco G biscuits, and of Brittania Little Hearts biscuits.
40) You loved licking off the cream from the centre of Bourbon biscuits.
41) There were no Nike, Reebok, Adidas, Puma- Bata and Liberty was the way to go for your sports shoes.
42) You have probably consumed more Frooti in your lifetime than there is oil in Iraq.
43) You watched Baywatch on Star World when nobody was home even though (or because) your parents said you shouldn’t watch it.
44) You bought packets of potato chips for the specific purpose of collecting Tazos. And you had Tazos depicting everyone from Confucius to Daffy Duck to Daffy Duck dressed as Confucius.
45) For the longest time, the Maruti 800, the Premier Padmini, THE Fiat, and THE Ambassador were the only cars you saw on the road, and the Contessa was cool because it was bigger.
46) You would literally jump up in excitement if you ever chanced upon an imported car (Oh my gosh, is that really a MERCEDES?)!
47) You spent a good part of 1998 drooling over the Hyundai Santro and the Daewoo Matiz , debating which one was better.
48) You used to Fuzen gum. You also chewed Big (big) Babool and/or Boom Boom Boomer chewing gum. They were bright pink and disgusting tasting, but you loved them for the temporary tattoos.
49) Talking of temporary tattoos, you sometimes had contests with your classmates about who had more tattoos on their arm, leg, knee, hand, forehead, wherever.
50) You thought Mario and Contra were the coolest things ever invented, especially if you were a boy.
51) You knew that having the latest Hero or Atlas bicycle would make you the coolest kid on the block.
52) You can imitate Sushmita Sen’s winning gasp to perfection.
53) You have, at some point of time, worn GAP clothes (real or fake) like SRK in KKHH.
54) Seemingly senseless acronyms like SRK, DDLJ, DTPH, KKHH actually make sense to you..
55) You have at some point debated who was more beautiful- Aishwarya or Sushmita.
56) Baskin Robbins ice-cream was THE thing to have!
57) You know what Campa Cola is. And you also knew that Coca Cola was THE drink.
58) You would watch WWF keenly every evening/afternoon and loved Bret Hart "Hitman"! really thought Undertaker had seven lives and he made an “actual” appearance in the Akshay Kumar- starrer Khiladiyon ka Khiladi.
59) When all backpacks (or ’schoolbags’) and water bottles and tiffin boxes had strange cartoon characters that were hybrid versions of seven or eight different characters, and you still bought them, because a green man wih a water pistol, boots, a jet-pack, Johnny bravo hair, a rajasthani mustache, gloves, and underwear (long johns) over his pants, called ‘Mr. X’ was OBVIOUSLY a status symbol.
60) You remember the Nirma tikia jingle.
61) You remember the Nirma girl.
62) You remember the ‘doodh doodh piyo glass full doodh’ ad and also the ‘laal kaala peela, gulabi hara neela classic hai badia bristles wala’ and 'roz khao ande' ads.
63) You grew up reading, if you read at all, some or all of Nancy Drews, Enid Blyton books, Hardy Boys, Babysitters Club, Animorphs, Goosebumps, Sweet Valley series, Judy Blumes, and Tintin, or Archie comics. Because naturally, reading foreign authors made you much cooler than reading Tinkle.
64) Towards the late 90s (1998-99) at least some of us started our Harry Potter obsessions!
65) You absolutely HAD to go to Essel World if you were with cousins! “Essel World mein rahoonga main, ghar nahin nahin jaaonga main!”
66) You watched the Bournvita Quiz contest on TV pretty religiously. The smarter ones amongst you actually took part in it and had your entire school and your entire extended families watch you on it!
67) Maggi 2 Minute Noodles = ultimate snack (and tiffin, lunch, dinner)!
68) If you grew up in the early 90s, you recall the nation’s obsession with Mahabharata on TV
69) In the later 90s, you religiously followed Hip Hip Hooray on Zee. Maybe Just Mohabbat on Sony too
70) You remember parzan dastur sayin "JALEBI!!!!" in the Dhara Ad
71) You eagerly awaited Friendship Day, so you could give friendship bands to all your friends, and get bands from them in return. Then, of course, those with the most bands loved to show them off.
72) Backstreet Boys' "Quit Playing Games" was one of the first english songs that you LOVED!
73) Andaz Apna Apna is and most probably will always be your favourite comedy flick!! "Aila Jhakaas!!!"
74) This list made you smile.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

To all the nice guys in the world! :-)

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favour cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever encounter in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her plan a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!”

I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my applaudes, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved someone is coming.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

The Fear of floating away..

That's what it feels like when you fall from great heights. That's what it feels like when your heart grows back. That's what it feels like when you don't want to feel. But this, this is just me.

Monday, September 5, 2011

D.. D.. D.. Dilli! :D

Dear Diary,

I don't know if this is the right time when i should write something. Unlike my rest posts, this one is very random and "much needed".

So much to talk of, but thinking of HOW to start. It is probably for the first time that I am short of words. Life has changed. Yes, it has. From the early morning saga's to the silent blinking's , it was all very much desired.


It was yesterday that I was travelling in a metro with a friend. And ,to break the silence, I asked ,what according to him was the best thing about this city. The answer I got was "the platform you get here is something you can't get anywhere else".

If you ask me, this was not exactly the answer I was looking for.And probably that was the reason our conversation about this ended there and then! :P

For me, The best thing about this place is.. Nobody knows you here! :D You can roam around being a complete stranger to EVERYBODY. The fact itself seems extremely fascinating isn't it?

BUT,it is the same city where the strangers don't pass you a smile. The cold glares can sometimes be so tormenting that you miss being home where everybody knew who you were and what you love!

If travelling in the rickshaws and metros make you proud of yourself, it also deepens the thought of getting your own car here. :/

The food city offers you with mouth watering cuisines and "chole-bathure"(not to forget, because i have started relishing it NOW :P ).At the same time,it makes you miss your after school "pani-puri" parties!

Never-the-less, the feel of being in the capital city of India is enough for me to love this place. Entering your college gate and interacting with the popping faces somehow subsides my thoughts of how good my hometown is.Thankfully, I got a bunch of friends who are what i just needed! :)

I am sure, the two ( Delhi and ME :P ) of us are going to have a love-hate relationship. If at the one end i'll love to be lost in the crowd, the second moment, I'd hate the pace with which life runs here.

The things that I left behind have been forgotten. The promises i made are being worked on, and the job's left undone now deserve to be finished.

Right now, I am not thinking of any such thing. Probably because, I am having a time of my life here. *touchwood* . But, the premonitions of the future make me think. Pushing away these thoughts, I feel like ending with these lines..

"yeh dilli hai mere yaar.. bas ishq mohabbat pyaar :-) "

Sunday, August 21, 2011

I "hope" :-)

It’s a strange thing. It makes you believe. Believe in something, just making you pray that luck favours you. And you believe so hard, so much, for so long, that after a period of time, you give up.
Because the future is not that close. Because although you keep the light at the end of the tunnel on your mind, it seems as if the long way to that light will never end. So you build up your defences. Decide that its you on your own, abandon faith, move on. You prepare for the worst or the best – whatever comes your way. You just stop believing in miracles and just divert all your energy in simply fighting the battle, whatever’s thrown your way. You’ve lowered your expectations, how much worse and lowly can things get?

And then wham. Hope hits you. Hard. In the gut. Takes you down, takes the breath out of you, shakes the ground you fall on.

And still manages to take you by surprise.
And makes you happy.

Somethings are best when they disappoint you the most. And then turn around to make your world a happier place.

Hope is at its best when its given up on.
Hope. Give up. And then start believing again.
Let it convince you why somethings are worth the sadness,the long wait and the anxiety. Hope. :-)

Thursday, August 4, 2011

A letter to today :)

Dear Today,

When I got up in the morning I made plans for the rest of you. I had decided it's gonna be different. It's gonna be special. I stretched my arms out and welcomed the Sun with new desires and dreams.. I thought I will make a difference. I wanted to. I get up everyday with a smile since I know it spreads a positive vibe all around. I smile to make others smile.. which makes me smile harder. It's infectious!

But what had happened to you today, Today? Why did you not stay with me and abandoned me and left me alone. Why did you take me to Yesterday when you know that I don't like him? And the worse.. you just walked off leaving me so lost. And your friend, Tomorrow, saw me crying but still couldn't come to rescue me. Why did you not tell him to come and show me the beautiful things which I need to look forward to?

Do you know Yesterday tormented me today. He tortured me. He hurt me. I ran. I ran and ran and fell.

And then I decided that I can't run away from him. So I gathered all the strength and pushed him hard. And then suddenly, I pulled out my pocket knife and killed him...

Yeah Today.. I killed him. Coz I could not take it anymore. He had to die.

and it was then that your friend Tomorrow came to help me to bury its corpse.

But I let him do so..

Anyways, just wanted to let you know.. that I missed you Today.. Please meet me tomorrow..:)


Thursday, July 7, 2011

I wanna go home again :)

Dear diary,
I am sorry to have not updated you since long. The time, the phase, the events, made me not to do so. They were those days when nothing absolutely was going right. You have everything right in front of you which you’ve always wanted, and then, you feel like it was all a WASTE. You don’t require the same anymore. Yes, that is the worst thing that can ever happen to you.

Talking to myself all day long, thinking, analyzing, i have finally come to a conclusion. A conclusion that I hope would do some good to me. It wasn’t easy. Trust me, It wasn’t.. To choose a path for you, that nobody in your age group approves of . Yet, I have decided to continue with the same. Because somewhere, I always wanted to be “there”. My heart knows, it was always about THIS one thing.

Finally, everything is said, done and decided. No looking back now. I promise. Yet, there is something that I always thought I’d write when I leave this city. And well, This Blogpost is purely dedicated to all those who somehow made it to my life :)

These 17 years have taught me so much that I can never ever pen them down in words. Like you cannot explain the taste of water, I cannot describe how beautiful this journey till here was.

There are not many who get to study in the best atmosphere with the best people around. I feel lucky to be one of those chosen ones. School was the place I would jump and go. The laughter’s, punishments, pranks, jokes, water fights, assemblies, debates, elections, everything made me love my school more with every passing second. Yes, It was this school that gave me friends that i can now call my “sisters” . It was this school that gave me a best friend, who knows exactly what I feel. A bunch of stupid people. But, very close to my heart. We’ve laughed together, cried together, played together, hanged out together. They have become a PART of my routine. A very SPECIAL part. Thinking of how am I going to live without them scares me . The thought of not talking to my best friend on the phone daily, laughing our asses off, irritating each other, crying, joking, imitating makes me sad. But, as everybody says LIFE GOES ON. I guess, I will have to go with it too. With a heavy heart ofcourse, But yes. I have to : )

They are same 17 years that changed me, from a carefree, “I don’t give a damn” Nivruti, to an extremely “Sensitive” girl. Sometimes when I sit down, and ponder over the last years, I feel a tremendous change within me. With this blogpost I want to apologize to all those ( and may be they are reading it right now) for acting in a way I shouldn’t have. May be they were the circumstances or my BIG FAT EGO that made me do that. Forget that If you can. Even If I wasn’t wrong, I wasn’t right either. Leaving this place with grudges and hatred would be the last thing I’d want .

Bidding a goodbye to my lovely 17 years and welcoming the rest with open arms.

“Please stop this train, I wanna go home again” : )

Saturday, June 11, 2011

A song that can teach you so much! :)

"Main zindagi ka saath nibhaata chala gaya,
har fikra ko dhuen main udaata chala gaya"

Dear diary, 11th june, 1:10 am

Life has been a roller coaster ride for me. It had ups and many downs.The journey has just started, yet it feels like you've had enough. Pushing back all these thoughts as I write, this Mohd Rafi song of "HUM DONON" gets played in the background.

It is a song that has taught me something outstandingly GREAT with the end of every line.

"Gam aur khushi main farak na mehsus ho jahan,
main dil ko us mukaam pe laata chala gaya"

Have you ever thought how amazing life would be if we all get to this level? The level where we don't know the difference between these two things? The distinguishing factor between them just vanishes? This would be the very end of our miseries.

"Barbadiyon Ka Shok Manana Fizul Tha
Barbadiyon Ka Jashan Manata Chala Gaya"

Who knows what future has in store for us. I have always been a firm believer of the fact that everything happens for a reason. Yes, it feels bad. It hurts a little , But then, ACCEPTING and looking forward to a bright new hope helps to bring best in you.

"We come across so many people in life, yet only a few make it to our lives." -------------- "We come across so many things in life, and only the BEST ones should make it to your heart."

As I switch off my lights , I hum this to sleep

main zindagi ka saath nibhaata chala gaya, har fikra ko dhuen main.......

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Goodbye! :)

Dear diary,

As i sit down today listening to some good music on you tube, a Rascal Flats song "here comes a goodbye" made me think.

Yes, It was about how good are the goodbye's?

For a matter of fact, the word goodbye brings a pain, a sorrow and a hope to meet the person again. It may be from a lover to his beloved, a warrior to his country or a father to his child. Every meeting, journey or a conversation is incomplete without its use in the end.

why can’t we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn’t work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves. And then we would have to say a good-bye. Sometimes when I make new friends , I do wonder- one day won’t I have to say goodbye to this person too? I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos.

I am that one person who has heard so much of this word lately that now the Good part in it has seemed to fade away, away in those beautiful moments!

As a little bird is scared to enter , enter into the new sky, I feel the same. To leave the warm nest with a heartfilled goodbye will be tough.

Life has to move on. New people, and a NEW journey has to begin. This has always happened and maybe, IT has to happen. You don't do anything, the circumstances make you do that.

"Don't be sad that it is over, smile as it once happened" ...

Yes! smile! For the ones who've made you smile once! what if a goodbye awaits you!


Monday, May 23, 2011

A smiling diary page

Dear diary, 23rd may ,11:28 pm

The much awaited day of my life was here. It was one of those days where I couldn't just stop smiling. The 12 years of my life NOW made some sense. I always wanted to bid these 12 years a grand farewell. and, to end it that way was HUGE.

I had many things unanswered, unquestioned, untouched for years together. and may be this day taught me. or rather made me realize what I was always onto!

With everything that I have NOW left behind, I can smile.. look back and say.. "YES! I have done that with completely no regrets" .

For a person who heard so much from so many people together.And me, who was always a silent watcher and listener it means,it means alot.

Sitting here and trying to express how I feel today is IMPOSSIBLE.

With a BIG promise that I've today done to myself of NOT looking back at anybody in the past, and with a bright motive of JUST moving ahead. Here I am.

Peace. xx

Monday, May 16, 2011

Sometimes :)

Do you sometimes hear a song and unconsciously sway in time. Know that you'll be humming it till late in the evenings and the mornings to come. Figure it will stay on your playlist till your player dies out and gives in. Forget everything but the way it seeps through your thoughts and overwhelms the world.

Do you sometimes read a book and find a friend in the pages. Love them with all sincerity and expect wonderful advice at the drop of a hat. Ask them about the moons and stars far away, about clouds in the sky. Cry to them when the world feels unfair and wrong. Pretend to ignore them so that they may call out to you in the midst of a fierce winter wind.

Do you sometimes look back through albums and faded photographs. Look for people that you have seldom talked with; only observed through corners of your eye. Recall instances that seem like your own, yet make you a stranger in a strange land. Create characters in your head that amuse you for hours at an end.

Do you sometimes look at someone across the room and freeze. Think that the ground beneath your feet just moved a little. Look into their eyes to find a steady reassuring gaze surrounding you, getting you drunker than the wine in your hands. Breathe while pinching yourself, for you have found one more alike soul to wander with.

Monday, May 9, 2011

I look back at life

..and smile.

At all that has been accomplished...
On all that remains to be achieved...

Of the dreams that are fulfilled
Of the ones that are lying to be gone after..

Of the passions that have driven me..
For the causes that I have strongly believed in.

For the people who have inspired me..
To be an inspiration for the many.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

My dream girl! ;)

""She is your mirror, shining back at you with a world of possibilities. She is your witness, who sees you at your worst and best, and loves you anyway. She is your partner in crime, your midnight companion, someone who knows when you are smiling, even in the dark. She is your teacher, your defense attorney, your personal press agent, even your shrink. Some days, she's the reason you wish you were an only child."

Yes! This blogpost is dedicated to someone who knows me through and through! Someone who's seen me grow.. in age and size! :P She has always been that person whom I have looked upto! My role model.. my companion! My personal punching bag! :) She's nobody but my SISTER!

I have always said that being a younger child in the family was the best thing that could've happened to me! May be one of the reason was that most of the pampering I got was from her! From sharing all my secrets, to signing my "bad marksheets" as my mom, she has always been there!

With both parents working.. She was the one who made sure I took all my meals! She was my baby sitter.. Who combed my hair , dressed me , so that I could go out in the evening and play while this lazy ass sits infront of the tv and watches her favourite serials.

If I was always that stubborn rude child.. She was the cute," shareef bacha" of home! :)

WE HAVE DONE THE CRAZIEST THINGS TOGETHER! and I really mean it! Those stupid silly and POISONOUS recipes.. To those water fights . Everything is so clearly etched!

Enough of the GOOD part! Lets just see the other part of the coin now! :P

SHE MADE SURE THAT I WAS ALWAYS THE VICTIM OF HER CRIME! Being elder to me. she always thinks that she has the FIRST right over everything! By everything I refer to the following things :-

1) My favorite side of the bed

2) Her favorite channel on the TV set

3) On mom's awesome accessories

4) A right to sit next to dad when mom is not there in the car.

We fight like cats and dogs! PEOPLE! you wont believe! I abuse her for even that extra spoon of maggy in the bowl! :P
And I promise! I'll do that even when you have your kids around! ;)

Di! I dont express but that surely doesnt mean I dont care! :) You know! And I dont have to say it!

You crazy bitch !! I love you! haha! :)

Saturday, April 2, 2011

"With every step I a mistake to some! "

Dear diary!

I've always got people talking about me. No, I am not bothered. But sometimes it just leaves you pondering. "IS IS WHAT LIFE IS ALL ABOUT?" Why do people have to talk? Can someone not let You live?

There is not even one person on this earth who is NOT criticized. But why do they have to do that? Is the answer is SELF SATISFACTION? or is it "i-am-not-that-and-i-wont-let you-be-the-same" thing?

I have heard so much in these last 3 years that it has totally left me immune. I even got people who went away with "YES-YOU-ARE-AT-FAULT" attitude! BUT WHO CARES?
NO! They still do! yes! they still do! Their mainspring is STILL not satisfied . Like,they were born to do the same!

Sometimes I feel my heart yelling these three heaven words of "GET A LIFE" . Yet, You sit back and pray that karma would take over. For it has been that one agency I have always looked forward to.

Every night I ask that person sitting up in the seventh sky.. "DUDE! why do you bring such people in MY life. You love me so much eh?" And I get no answer ! With a heavy heart . I turn my pillow over and go off to sleep.

That very essence of trusting people has been lost somewhere . somewhere in those rude gestures and worthless critical remarks! Who's to be blamed? NOT ME!

Pushing these thoughts to the back of my mind, a new day starts. A new day to SCREW such people and MOVE AHEAD.

A floating thought still lies in the deep corners of this myogenic organ that maybe tonight that person will answer me :)

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

The one you know.. The one who knows! :)

Dear Diary,

Tonight, I write because I owe myself a few, last words that I shall dedicate to the past few months of my life, the person I had become, the person that I am now, the person I will always be, and the person I will sought to be.

I've changed. For the better I'd like to believe. Things that didn't matter before, have now found their place in my life.. a place I now respect. Emotions that didn't make sense a little less than a year back, are the very same ones that I now accept as a part of the many things I had to learn.

I've grown as a person. Or so I tell myself. I've learned to forgive if not forget. I've learned how to make sorrows worthy of that pain that they bring along with themselves. I've learned that there's no turning back.. even if you're not too far ahead. I've learned how to stand by the decisions I've made... even if they hurt too much. I've learned how to never stop myself from taking the risk. I've learned how to give myself a chance. I've learned how to give myself reasons that make sense and hear others out even when it's the last thing I want to do. I've learned how to remain silent and watch things take their natural course.

A part of me will never change. I won't let it. Because that part of me will always define the essence of the person I will always be.

I know what it feels like to lose the upper hand over people. I know what it feels like to be overwhelmed. I know what it feels like to fight your conscience to do things you don't want to do. I know what it feels like to finally get the reasons your deserved. I know how it feels to finally be able to breathe again. I know how it feels to never regret decisions you've made... and to stick by that even when everything turns against you.

As I try to fight the exhaustion which is persuading my mind to fall asleep whilst it is trying to finish what it wants me to pen down, I realize that at the end of the day, we all make the same mistakes, we all learn the same lessons in different ways...

Saturday, March 26, 2011

The complicated women! ;)

Well, it’s a question that most men would say yes to..”Are women really complicated”

Women would choose to differ…Well it’s a given fact all human beings are complex.Just like onions there are different layers to everyone’s personality.lets not digress from our topic here.

You could term women as complicated cause only a woman would sacrifice her dreams to give a way to her loved one’s dream.

No matter how independent a woman is,she will adjust and compromise for the man whom she loves the most.

The corporate bitch suddenly transforms herself into a loving mom at home with impeccable ease.

The impatient project head, waits patiently for her husband to be back for the family dinner.

The hot chicka changes into a suave lady,just because her guy likes it that way.

The docile mom turns in a tigress to defend her kids

We wait for the guy whom we love,even after knowing he is never gonna be our.

We say " i was just kidding", "we are great friends" when the object of our affection turns us down.

We still help them with their girlfriends and lend our shoulders for them to cry.

We smile the most when we are deeply hurt.

Yes we are complicated cause we juggle different roles.We not only bring a new life into this world,we guide them in taking their first step ,we teach them to walk,we make them strong enough to run.We still stand by them when they falter.

I am a bitch, a lover, a daughter , a friend, a confidant..I am a woman and I am proud to be one.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Oh! Must be a women driving!

This Blog post are not just my words.. I am so sure! They are the words of every women who drives!

Now isn’t it assumed in this world that whenever there is a bang or accident between vehicles of a man vs woman, it has to, has to be the woman at fault! Yeah! like.. the men. can do NOTHING? whoa? REALLY?1

To be true. and practical.. I have absolutely no qualms about accepting the fact that men are generally good drivers, but what I’ve problem with accepting are two generalizations –

1. All men are better drivers than women,

2. All women are bad drivers. Yes, I hate these two general statements. Trust me tolerating women driver centric jokes is a different thing and I’ve always done so generously ..

I don’t have any objection in accepting that men are good drivers. In fact if I speak of my surrounding, when it comes to tricky driving, dad is a better driver than me and so are lots of my men colleagues and friends. I don’t think I have ever tried to prove that I’m a better driver than them and have no intention to prove the same in future as well. Thankfully I have been driving my car successfully for last few years with bang record of only once till now ..That too of NO FAULT OF MINE! (touchwood)

What disturbs me is.. The perception Of the men society in general! For me. Driving is a passion! which came very naturally! I was just 14 when I started driving! and when someone UNDERESTIMATES ME ( yeah .. that is the word) .. That is like the biggest turnoff EVER! I can hear anything! BUT NOTHING.. ABSOLUTELY nothing about my driving especially from my male counterparts!

Cars and women can never be a mismatch ! BELIEVE ME! You know, I understand some women hit panic button faster and hence those troubles on road due to women drivers but I have really seen some jerk men drivers too! I understand men may have better control on brakes & accelerators but this does not mean that women are bad drivers always.


Friday, March 18, 2011

A few minutes.. to a haunted reality!

Sitting back. Its 1:30 am. Got over with a few chapters of my maths text book. and decided to take a break. This Break took me somewhere.. somewhere in a different world altogether. I opened my mail. scrolling through old mails and conversations, I happened to open one, which I guess had been buried deep inside Long ago!

The memories, The moments.. The reality came back for a fraction of minutes I'd say! Cold nostalgia chilled down my spine. The Pain and agony returned. The truth I was trying to escape from past so many months had just Overpowered me COMPLETELY! I Felt LOST.. Completely LOST, like the old time had come back !

How cruel can life be to you at times! How brutally my self respect had been hampered by people! How one single thing had the power to TRANSFORM me completely! I was left with NO POWER.. NO SELF CONFIDENCE! NOTHING! This One phase of my life, friends, is the most sensitive one! Everything was leading me to nowhere! I was so utterly Stunned! Shocked beyond words! It wasn't that I was wrong! It was that I lost my FAITH in myself.. !

"I am that BAD.?" These 4 words were constantly buzzing around in the twists and turns of my cerebrum!

Scrolling down. reading Each and every word in that conversation.. Killed me little inside!

I had totally lost the fun side of myself..Everything lost its identity. And so did I.

That time.. is reparable . The loss can never be repaired. It did what It had to!

Phew! I can't write more! Let this blog post remain an incomplete one!

I donnot have the strength to face it again..! and here I close it!

PEACE !! :)

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

I love you...! :)

Hey Buddies!

This is no regular article. You can just consider it a crazy thought. This may bore you as well. But if you have started, please bear. Its not that long. Ok... I was just wondering, what can be the most sweet thing that you can ever hear from someone? Something that makes you ecstatic. On the top of the world. You know what I mean. So, what can be that?

At first I thought about direct compliments. Like "You are the most beautiful/handsome I have ever seen", or "You are the best person I have ever met." Sounds good, but , no, at times it sounds more like flattery. Isnt it? So then I thought about indirect compliments. Like "You light up my day", or "You make me feel better", or "You are everything to me", and all other stuff like those. Well, very romantic, and poetic too, I must confess, but still, not that. Not that! Then I dont know what came over me, but I also thought of some weird ones. Like "Congrats, you came first", or "You have a promotion", etc. or even "HI! i am your biggest fan!" Mind blowing! But, come on!

Then I realised that compliments from the elder generation sounds more like blessings. Not what I was searching. And that from younger generations sounds like respect and awe. Of course we love them. But thats not what I was searching for. I was searching for somthing that transforms us to a whole new world. That gives our life its soul meaning. Something that once heard can ring in our voice for ever, and give us a tickle everytime we remember it. That kind of something can only come from someone special.

And then I thought of those three magic words. Ahaa! There it is. "I love you", isnt that it? Those three very special words. But then I thought, What if the person who said it didnt mean that special to us. You may argue that whoever says "I love you" to us has to be special to us. But then would everyone who said that to us mean the same to us? You know the answer. So that made me realise that "I love you" as simply as it can be said, may be the sweetest thing one can ever say but not the sweetest thing one may ever hear.

So where does that leave us? Nowhere! And then it suddenly struck me. By adding a simple three letter word 'too', the very same phrase had a different meaning and effect altogether. Isnt it? "I love you too", this can be only said by the person who is already the most special to us. Isnt it? It can only come from the person whom we already love. And just think of the affection, promise and thrill this prase brings to us. An affection of a soulmate, a promise of forever, a thrill of a lifetime. Just imagine the ecstasy in knowing that the person whom your heart belongs to, belongs to you as well. Is there anything sweeter than that? I guess not. Dont believe me? Just close your eyes for a moment and whisper these words to yourself. "I love you too." Go ahead, do it! And try to feel its resonance throughout your whole body. And just think, what if the person you love whispered these to your ears? Live the moment. Feel it. You'll know what I meant. So I guess I finally got my answer. You may or may not agree with me. You may also think about these as some absolute crazy thoughts. But then, that what I said right at the beginning, didnt I?

But you know what I really think? Perhaps this is... Perhaps...

Think about it.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

One text that was received.. !

Days are going very tough. For me, Or for that matter, For every person in my age group. The board exams are just THERE. There is a Hell lot of pressure. I am still not sure what to do ahead. And that is one of the very things that is currently bothering me.
The routine has turned to be very monotonous. With books that surround me 24 hours a day..Life suffocates within them! When you just try, to THINK, everything is ALRIGHT.. and you can do it.. That is when someone WILL make sure.. You don't think the same! ( God bless such people :| )

Anyway. Today. Was again.. One such day ! Battling hard with my physics textbook.. And my NOT-SO-GOOD mood swings ( which is something very common in this phase I suppose) .. I felt Low! very LOW! World was like eating me up. The date 1st march SEEMED TO HAUNT ME.

With mom and dad's constant efforts to Make me smile,I felt a little better. Yeah.. Felt like SOMEBODY is there. They are there with me.. And it was the feeling nothing else could give me.

To add to it. Today, It rained.. And to make sure I don't miss the fun. Dad took me for a drive! :) The rain.. Made me fresh. rejuvenated my soul! And it worked! To some extent..IT REALLY DID!

Fun time was over.Had to be back to my books.The irritating thoughts came back to my they were waiting for me, with open arms.. !!

Just then .. My cell phone flashed .. "One text received"..

It was my sister.. and it went like " Don't accept others definition of life.. It is YOUR life. DEFINE it YOURSELF, The way YOU love it to be"

A smile spread across my face. YES! This is me. Nobody has the right to control my life. NOBODY ! It was the moment I decided.. COME WHAT MAY now ! I am not bound to care. To care for anybody. or anything. I have taken enough. ENOUGH is the word. NOW.. It is JUST ME! Just me who matters.

Read it just yesterday.. on somebody's status.. "LIFE SERIOUSLY GETS BETTER WHEN YOU DON'T CARE" . Never understood it's real meaning until today !

I will define my LIFE !! My life will be MINE! And I am going to Live it !! :)

K sera sera.. what will be.. will be.. ..

Future is NOT in my hands.. And so. I decide to surrender my self TO DESTINY today
!! :)

Friday, February 11, 2011

Mr perfect !! *wink*

It is February . Well, My boards are round the corner. Just 16 days left. To be precise. ( ugh ! CHUCK THAT, back to the topic) SO, well.. When I should be Messed up In my chemistry reactions and Stupid physics numericals. Here I am. Writing My another Blog post. !! :D

Okay. so. Who would be my Mr. Perfect..? To be frank.I don't know If someone like PERFECT exists.. I am not even sure If Perfect is the right word to be used. But yeah. Today,I've thought of how my perfect one should be like.

Well, since writing things in points HELP ( SCIENCE STUDENT :P ) I am going to state that in the following points. ( Seems, I am writing an exam ans. BLEH !! :D ) :-

1) He should have Perfect way of dressing. Like ..what matches what. He should KNOW that. As everybody says "Your first impression is ALWAYS the last impression".. I too am a firm believer of that.

2) The way he communicates. Respect for people should SHOW in the way he talks. Listen to what someone says BUT don't forget to GIVE your worthy opinion.

3)A little ATTITUDE is a MUST. ( "A little" I quote again). Overtly sweet, and Extremely rude, PISS me off ! ( Yeah, that's the right word :P )

4) He should RESPECT women. A male chauvinist pig is a BIG no !!

5) A CARRIER ORIENTED GUY. I don't say a GEEK, BUT..He should atleast KNOW his LAKSHAY ( MOTTO) in life !!

6) Serious guys..are again a DISASTER in themselves. so he should know how to make me smile. I don't mind poor jokes as long as I know he's cracking them just for me !! ;)

7) A foodie. well. that is JUST for the sake Because I am a biggest foodie ever. And I can be in some great need of a COMPANY in future :P

8) He should NOT.. ( NOT I say again) BOOZE. SMOKE. OR BE INTO DRUGS. Well, I am sure I'll get 100 people to contradict me on this, saying. "IT is 21st century for heavens sake! Who doesn't drink?" Well, My guy wont !! I hate the word SOCIAL drinking too !

9) A gadget freak. He should be Up to date on that Because I wont mind a FEW GADGETS AS GIFTS !! :P

10) He should be an awesome CAR DRIVER !! Well, AWESOME here means NO SPEED. I am not the sorts who love speed. So he has to match it for me! :)

AH ! 10 simple,not so difficult points.. Or they are? :P

Yes, My Mr. perfect has to be all this or I am not MARRYING !! :P

Thursday, February 10, 2011

She's a human for heaven's sake !!

Life has always been perfect for her . An amazing one rather.

For her, Making people smile meant everything. Nomatter how much have you hurt her in the past , she is always going to be the one, who'll stand by you. whenever you need her. Who'll make sure nothing,exactly NOTHING at all troubles you. She can wake up at 3 in the morning JUST TO LISTEN to you. She can forget that she was crying the earlier second when she's accompanying you in the giggles.

Yet, She Is a human for heaven's sake !!

She too can have up's and down's. SHE too can have MOOD SWINGS. She too feels the need to PAMPER her own self. She too wants TIME for herself. Everybody has a saturation point. SHE too can have one. And you need to understand that.

She cannot always be there for your help. She too has her own limitations. If you can have. why can't SHE !!

Yet. when she tries. to help you STIL,You hang up on her. You feel she hardly cares. You feel SHE has turned SELFISH. She's changed. SHE can NEVER get what you are going through. Did you EVER thought What SHE must be going through? I'm sure . Not even ONCE that thought crossed you.

Doesn't she deserve some peace? WHY is it that everybody takes her for granted? WHY!!

she is NOT meant to be like that. sometimes she feels SHE IS NOT A HUMAN! Nomatter who has problems going on in their lives, She is always the one Who has to suffer. She is the only one who's bound to lose IN EVERYTHING that happens even though it is NOT connected to her!

She is tired now !! She really is !! She has no more courage left to deal with all this. she has still tried her best. To make things work. YET she quits now !!

"You'll lose her forever one day, That is when you'll realise how MUCH she cared"

Monday, January 31, 2011

That's because, I fear love :)

Well… Tomorrow is 1st feb.. The love month starts from tomorrow. Strange, how everybody is waiting very eagerly for it. Singles or non singles, everybody has a special place for 14th feb in their heart.

“What is love”.. I have written volumes on it.. But still I don’t know If it really has that place now which it had a few months or years ago! Those mushy status updates, those chocolates, the cute stares, buying and gifting teddy bears for one another and those wonderful over the coffee talks and dinners. If I am not wrong, Valentines Day is all about this, and yeah. Not to forget, expressing your love for someone who you “supposedly” can’t live without.

Out of 75% people celebrating this day, 40% are the ones who were there with “separate” lovers the last year. Funny, how you said the same things, the same dialogues to a different “person” the last Valentines Day as well.

This is definitely not how it is supposed to be. For me atleast! Oh well, in my case. This day is celebrated in a different mood every year. (Not all know, what I am referring to here) . Frankly, Love happens only once,. Let’s put in the familiar kuch kuch hota hai style.. “Hum ek baar jeete hain, Ek baar marte hain, aur pyaar bhi ek hi baar karte hain” . This “new love, new year funda” is NOT what I believe in atleast !!

Talking to my best friend over the phone I said something which I realize was the best thing I ever said.. “I’d NOT have a boyfriend now, That is because I fear love. The only person I’d celebrate my valentines day would be , my husband” ( haha! Funny I know. Who has seen the future.. and It is definitely not the right age for me to talk of husband’s and all) .

Yeah, knowingly or unknowingly.. I fear love. I fear the thought of losing someone I once loved. Well, To talk least of it..Life moves on.. Yes. IT DOES !! : )

I’ll learn to love again, I definitely will. I’m sure!

This year too.. For me,

* A new valentines day, and again with a different meaning*

( P.S :- Happy valentines day , Have a loving life with your loved ones ) : )

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Its fun To be crazy !! :)

It is fun to be crazy. Well, I am not joking at all…BELIEVE ME. ..

Have you ever tried dancing to the beats of the random dhol beating outside? Okay.. Then.. Ever thought of talking to your own self when your home alone? Have you ever had an obsession of a soft toy and wanted it to be a real person .(It’s Winnie the pooh in my case :D ) Have you ever treated a Big plastic kitty as an alive one? Have you kept names of your toys and cuddle them to sleep..? Ever thought of pampering your car like it was your own kid?

Haha! Well.. The first thought of most of you reading it must be.. “DUDE! GET A LIFE” sorts.. or “GROW UP”.. (Heard it like a million times :P )

The thought of writing how craziness is fun approached me when a friend of mine just randomly said.. “Nivruti.. Why have you turned CRAZY?” And I thought over it.. ACTUALLY! I Am crazy.. well..any normal person wouldn’t talk to dogs..and cats! Haha! BUT I am happy to be that way.. Making people smile by my craziest acts (If at all they are loving it..and not getting irritated which isn’t my motive AT ALL)

Sometimes these little things give you the best pleasure in the world! Playing with the water when you’re watering plants.. And end up watering your own self! Waving to random people when you’re stuck in a traffic jam !! Giving compliments to the one who doesn’t even deserve and earning that big smile from him/her !!

The moral of the story comes out to be… I am crazy..because this crazyness makes me happy! And this I know is another STUPID answer.. But that is how it goes !! :)

“Live your life as stupidly as you can.. May be that’s the last time you living it”

*Spread smiles* .. so everybody.. say.. EEEEE!! :)

Thursday, January 20, 2011

For A friend of a lifetime! :)

Well. I’ve mentioned almost everybody who has once been an important part of my life .Yet I forgot to mention that one person who has his birthday tomorrow!

Yes. My life can never get completed without his mention. For he has been that one person who stood besides me in almost every argument I had with my best friend :) Dude , I salute you for that. You handled two girls without a fail! haha!

He has been my “not so official” boyfriend! haha! My best buddy! My companion.. And yes.. A dear Brother! (I know ...You’ll kill me for this dude,. But feelings are feelings)

I never thought that a guy who was supposedly the “Mr. Perfect” kinds would turn out to be such an important part of my life! God is great .that he made me meet a person like you. You are a gem of a person friend. Indeed. Believe me! For you are so different from the ones in your age group. And I respect you from the bottom of my heart for this! An intelligent.. Geeky guy! :P( Ok ok. You aren’t a geek... BUT it isn’t always me running behind teachers to get your doubts cleared! :P )

It is your birthday tomorrow and I wish You have 100’s of such birthdays more! May god fulfill all your dreams and desires ! Because he has to! And well.. Though we won’t meet everyday as we do now. But this is my promise to you. We will remain friends forever! : )

Ps:- Happy 18th dude ! : ) Stay blessed !! PARRTTTTYYYY!! :D :D

Friday, January 14, 2011

13 reasons.. WHY BE SINGLE! :D

When everyone around me is looking around for a companion.. I am lost in my world thinking of reasons to be single! eee! :D So here are a few:-

1)You have all the time in the world for yourself, to do the housework, to read books, to just sleep etc etc!

2)The word relationship doesn't mean just one person who ends up being your identity!

3)Arguments with someone /Someones achievements dont become the only highlight in your otherwise boring and bleak existence!

4)There is definitely a freedom to explore existing options at length!

5)You can carry on uninterrupted conversations with the opposite gender for hours.And nobody is there to bug you with the constant waiting calls on your phone! :P

6)Your social life can be extremely hectic and you need not compromise on it to just be with one person.

7)Your expenses are much less than those of your committed counterparts

8)More savings = ability to buy more gadgets and yes, ability to travel to exotic locales. Need i elaborate?!

9)You can concentrate on Your 12th for that matter! :P

10)Your life partner is faceless. There is an element of mystery that has not been demystified yet!

11)You need not be a nurse maid/baby sitter/secretary (well, some willingly do it, comes naturally but still!);)

12)You can punch a pillow instead of a real person. No hospitalization required! :D

13)n short, do whatever you please, go wherever you want and fly whenever you want. :D