Friday, December 24, 2010
Long time since I updated you about my life dear blog.. I missed you!
Just off from a call from my best friend..laughed endlessly..as usual.. hung up.. and walked back to my bed
That was when her words echoed in my head… “He say’s she’s an awesome person..I need to hug her..”
REALLY? I am that good? Things have changed so much.. for the BETTER ofcourse!
I found a friend .. a companion…a guide.. a buddy.. a brother.. in all those stupid fights..and nonsensical talks!
How time flies.. nobody noticed.. But I did.. Whoa! Yesterday.. while going from one tuition to the other.. that dork asked me. Wanna race? And I was like.. ummm.. SURE!
Guess what.. (haha! I don’t know why I am writing it..) But.. *I* .. I was the one..who was leading.. Signifies?--- *A change in time*
This winter morning.. Feels so good.. I am leaving for Delhi tomorrow.. Waaow! I am so excited.. Have my exams from 5th though… But that can’t make this elation any less!
Plus there’s one thing.. I thought about too.. Everybody is so sure what they are going to do ahead.. But :( I don’t know! I really don’t know! This question “what are you going to do further” is like the toughest exam question ever . Why? Because I don’t know! That makes me feel a little dumb! But I “REALLY DON’T KNOW” :(
*Sigh! I hope I find an answer to this question soon!
Rest everything is Great! *touchwood*
New year is round the corner .. 2011 ! Yay! And It’s party time! Wopppiee! I hope this year to be the best one for everybody!! Amen! :)
Saturday, November 27, 2010
“Have you ever thought why you love me?”
“Have you ever thought why I love you?”
“No. Listen, love is never about why, when, where. You just love. It just happens.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Sounds totally romantic, very sweet and makes you smile, doesn’t it? What if I tell you that the couple whose private life we just have peeped into does not have it that simple? That they have same doubts as everyone else. That they have fights. That they make mistakes. That they are not perfect in their relationship. But they are happy. Because they do believe love just HAPPENS. No conditions applied.You have heard about unconditional love, haven’t you?
Many people say unconditional love is the only one "TRUE LOVE" The only one pure feeling.
Others say unconditional love does not exist.
For them I have some questions… did you mathematically predict your falling in love? Did you put conditions why, when, where, with whom it would happen? Did you control the way it happened?
You know you did not, right? It just happened without you even doing anything, thinking anything.Just happened.
It is much later when conditions appear. Or rather expectations. Because each condition you put into a relationship is based on your expectations. You call your loved one, so you expect them to call you back. You write letters, you expect getting some letters too. You send hundreds of text messages, you expect to receive at least a dozen back. You are there for them when they are sick, you want the same for yourself. And that’s normal, I guess. You care, and you want to be cared for. You love and you want to feel loved too.
Trust me, if someone tells you they don’t have any expectations or learned to control them, they are lying. Expectations are a part of human nature. You can’t suppress the way you feel. You can’t NOT want to be loved.
Unconditional love… is not only the love without expecting the other person to love you back. It is not just the care without expecting the other person to care for you too. It is not the love without any conditions, because you can’t control what you want and what you feel or expect. And you do have hope that things might turn out the way you want to even if deep inside you know that probably they won’t… Unconditional love is rather having all these expectations but being able to compromise with them, to deal with them for the sake of the love you have for that other person. It is like having expectations but accepting that they might not be fulfilled and be fine with it, because in the end, all that matters is that you LOVE them, and if you are lucky, they LOVE you too…
Maybe not the way you want them to, but most probably they love you with everything they have got.
And then.. it just happens.. you just love… no conditions applied.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
This life is what you make it. No matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, some go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up becuase if you give up, you'll never find your soul mate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about." :) :)
Friday, August 13, 2010
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Just thinking of what all is going on in my life these days..things have taken a U turn..a big U turn rather! With everything going back to where I started….I dont want to..Really I dont want to..I‘ve moved on..I didnt realize it a few days ago..I am realizing it today.. It doesn’t matter to me if someone’s there or not.. I have my goals defined now.. Things are working pretty well for me. *touchwood* Its strange..very strange.. I craved for those things when they weren’t with me..and now..when I am getting them all..I don’t want them.. No.. stay away! I don’t need you..I am happy..really..I am..with what all I have..I happy with it..Dont come again to spoil everything. Your presence has not made *much difference*. Its quite shocking for me as well.. but like I’ve always said.. Some things are bound to happen..may be this too was destined to! *sigh
With all this a Justin Timberlake song comes to my mind *what goes around comes around*.. True! I can view it..very clearly!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
The irony of the situation is...I thought of posting this to my blog the day I fought with my best friend! *sigh!
If I've got troubles…
I can count on you…
If I'm not sure…
Your light will pull me through…
Your jokes make me laugh…
When the skies are grey…
Come whatever what may…
But you'll remain…
Best Friend for Life…
You may be absurd…
Or kinda slow…
You might follow me…
Where ever I go…
But then I can see…
Your looking after me…
I think I can…
Cope with you in the end…
But it's kinda hard…
But your there…
When your needed…
Your a spring to life…
If I've got troubles…
I can count on you…
If I'm not sure…
Your light will pull me through…
Your jokes make me laugh…
When the skies are grey…
Come whatever what may…
But you'll remain…
Best Friend for Life…
It's not all just a one way street…
I mean I'll be there for you…
And I'll help you through the darkness…
In anyway just pushing you through…
You can always rely on me…
No matter where I be…
When the times get tough
When the people get rough
When we screw up together
Best ever friend….
We’ll be there for each other…
My best friend…
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
To start with, weather’s like perfect today! With cool breeze, rain and “My heart will go on” being played in the background a thought stuck me, when it should’ve stuck long ago. (When a girl enters high school of course :P )
What will my “love story” be like? Will I hear bells ringing when I meet my “Mr. Perfect?” or will there be thunders : EDWARD CULLEN sort of :P . Mr. cupid really hits that bow? Or the work has to be done by you yourself. *BLANK* I have no idea. I’ve grown up listening to love stories from my nani, mom, sister and our dear bollywood/Hollywood of course where the prince comes, sings a few songs in those
For me, love has always been my mom’s lullabies, my dad’s kisses on my forehead, my sister’s tears for me and my friend’s shoulder to laugh and cry on. And guess I am happy with that sort of love which I know I am NOT afraid to lose at all! I know whatever may happen at least THESE are the things I have if not that “Mr. right” till now!
And as far as meeting that right guy is concerned then I am pretty sure It will be that “serendipity” moment. AHH! Nice! :))
(( yawn)) Sleep strikes me bloggy! It’s Time to sleep. And I wish I meet Mr. Cupid in my dreams, have to share all this with him as well! Hehe!GOOD NIGHT
Thursday, June 10, 2010
I came back to my room…wore my night suit….took the band out of my hair..and lie down straight facing up the ceiling..I have a white ceiling by the way.. And I like it. Staring helps, whenever I feel like tired and want to sleep but I can’t, I use this therapy, with a blank mind, no thoughts..I stare the ceiling of my room.
The dying hope makes me shiver a lot of times when I have to think, manage and fight. I have no ways, ideas or formulas to beat my enemy with ..But I can’t sit idle even. I can’t see myself drowning in the sea of failure. YES,I never faced failure and even today I wont see myself idle with dying hope and failure laughing on me. I am the PRINCESS; yes I can’t hear a NO. It’s a word which isn’t compatible with me at all.
I took a book, and started viewing it. After an hour or two when my eyes were tired and almost closed..I made my way back to the bed.. And just before I could go up to the world of my dreams I heard a voice.
SO PRINCESS….HERE IS YOUR ANSWER ..DONT WORRY, I AM THERE, FOR YOU , WITH YOU…ALWAYS! :)
Sunday, June 6, 2010
*Will you be that warm hug in the cold..?
Saturday, May 29, 2010
I still remember the day when my dad held my little index finger as I walked on the tar coal road of “PRESENTATION CONVENT SR SEC SCHOOL” . Today after 12 years of my life.. I realize THIS has what made all the difference. I would’ve been any normal girl if I wasn’t in this place where I am today. I am special because am here!
To be frank I’ve always been my teachers pet. Nivruti tagotra was the class topper till 10th.. ( 11th! Ah! Don’t ask.. :P ). This place taught me to be bold, to be frank, and to accept people even at their worse.
People have always said..”convent girls? ..High on arrogance”..but if u ask me..We deserve the arrogance we flaunt. *wink*
I got the best bunch of friends and the best bunch of “enemies” too.. But as I leave this place I am happy to say “NO REGRETS”..
I’ll miss the water tank fights.. the behind parapet bunks..the banging table sessions..the loud songs..the mimicries..the “J” and Y interchangings..
I Wanted to write more, but these tears..ah! how much I hate them . roll down at the wrong time..sorry!
All I ‘ll say is..I’ll miss my ALMA MATER..I’ll miss this place like hell ! :’)
Sunday, May 23, 2010
I'm in love with a memory that won't slip out of my fingers
Its hard to let something go after so long
Every piece to the story starts out great
But ends with pure chaos
I'm in love with a memory, that won't love me back
Its hard to live life with this regret
But its something that will follow you every second
I'd give you my heart on a string
But would you take it with petty
Or with the thought and the feeling
I'm in love with a memory, that’s stopping me from running away
Its happened more than once to everyone
It makes no sense at all
But when you realize life makes no sense
You will get that every memory makes no sense
Saturday, May 15, 2010
I never thought I'd see this day,
I never thought I'd feel this way,
You...a stranger to me now.
I'm left with emptiness...
I wish I knew how it could be,
That we were once so open and free.
You were my friend.. and so much close..
I wish I would have seen what I see now before.
For, I did not and it's too late...
My friend, my buddy once, is now unknown.
And what hurts the most is I now know..
What I lost.. And I'm alone.
To face this world life has sent,
I hope one day I can forgive you, my friend..
For I still cherish the memories we spent..
Can’t dare to think against you even once..
Being misunderstood by all at once..
In the end ..words left are none..
All I can say is…
I miss you....
Why did you go?
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Everyone has special memories…special days..special dates..special times to remember…but I have a special year to smile on..The year of “2009”…Well..it gave me everything..from introducing me to harsh realities of life..and to make me understand what actually “happiness” is ...!!
I had my board exams in the month of march..and still remember those preparatory nights..studying till 4 in the morning…and how my best friend got hooked up with a guy .. how every morning I used to call my buddies up..to give them the latest “news”…
Boards over…results out…and yes..I HAD SUCCEEDED..!! My hardwork had paid in true sense..!!
11th began…high school was nothing like that “Disney chanel” high school..boring lectures..3 hours of tuitions..!! gosh! That was sick…
2009 changed our“the group”..to “the devils”..making our bond even more strong..we have seen each other standing up when EVERYBODY was against us…I’ve had my best times..my best recesses..my best bunks..my best bets..my best icecreams with these guys.…and surely..these 6 people became my reason to live…
September 15th..Celebrated the-most-memorable- birthday ever..in those 16 years..with cute surprises..and gifts..
“October”..was like “The best” of all months..life seemed to have wings.. (Ps:- not all know “why”,..)
2009 at the same time brought me tears…regrets…and shook me from head to toe..!! It made me realize HOW STUPID I HAD BEEN ALL THOSE MONTHS…how blindly I never noticed ANYTHING happening around..!! I learnt not to trust anyone now …and be PRACTICAL in all your decisions..
With a new zeal..and confidence…and promises to be fulfilled..I have started a new journey..with new people..and old “lost” friends..which I hope continues forever without a setback again..!!
This was an year of 2009 for me.:----- smiles to remember..and tears to regret.!!
Thursday, April 1, 2010
I can't run the fastest
I can't swim the sea
I can't type the quickest
but I love being me
I can't kick a ball
or even climb a tree
I can't roll in the grass
but I still love being me
You see, this is my life
as others would see
they don't know what it's like
to really be me
So next time I'm about
rolling down the street
don't think of me disabled
but someone cool to meet
I have lots I can teach you
I have loads I can share
you will never gain my wisdom
if you just point and stare
So maybe I can't run the fastest
maybe I can't kick a ball
but I wouldn't change being me
not for you, not at all
Saturday, March 27, 2010
I will miss you so much..but can't express in words..
I feel as helpless as a trapped bird..
The way you looked at me..and the long talks we had..
Its not you..but the distance that's making me sad..
Someday..you'll come to know I missed you every eve..
*Hug me for the last time before you leave*..
I wont stop you..I wont make you cry..
But Its hard to believe you wont be nearby.
I wish to be with you..Soon come that day..
To see you..to hear the words whatever you say..
Someday..you'll come to know I waited every eve..
*Hug me for the last time before you leave*..
Standing by the window I bid you goodbye..
And control the tears rolling by my eye..
you didnt read my eyes..you didnt feel my heart..
you wont feel the sadness of us being apart..
Someday..you'll come to know I cried every eve..
*Hug me for the last time before you leave*...
You left the place..i burst into tears..
I might lose you to the distance I always feared..
I love you so much but never said a word..
And you didnt understand the words unheard..
Someday..you'll come to know I prayed every eve..
*Hug me for the last time before you leave*..!! :)
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Hmm…so friend I am back again to disturb you..to bore you with my stupid heart talk..but you know I have no other option too! You are the only one..who cares to listen without being “JUDGEMENTAL”..!!
This thing has been there in my mind since many days…It’s like constantly bothering me day and night..!! Have I changed dear bloggy? Do you really see a NEW ME??!! Have I turned inexpressive? Or.. have I turned a little more sensitive,? Do you really think things have started bothering me more these days? Or I am lost in my own world most of the times?A little action disturbs me greatly?
Well..I don’t have answers to the questions I am being asked by Every single soul on this earth these days …”you aren’t the same like you were 6 months earlier..” umm…okay! I take that…I may have turned a little selfish now…but that is just because I have taken enough from everybody..!! I am trying to IGNORE as much as I can...and guess this has brought a change..
Well ..I think that is the only reason for the “NEW ME”…Like it or not..I will remain the same!!
Thank you for listening to me..!! I am a little lighter now!! :)
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Had a Tough and a real tiring day today…Every memory seemed to flash right in front of my eyes..I could feel the same time back…*The horrible time* back..
4th april was there to be remembered again…the pain…the anguish..the worst feelings…
The worst people were there .. infront of my eyes..symapathizing with those crocodile tears..””WHY!!! why! Do you have to do that?!!! STOP it at once “””were the words I wanted to SCREAM!! I couldn’t..!! Helpless…controlling my own self..stood there..n watched everything happening around..!! Everybody has moved on…but that space was…and will always remain empty….life has to move on ..I know..I am a big girl now..I understand…but I’ll still miss the cheerful you..!! :’( With tears rolling down..i wish to stop…and hope that day never returns !!
Friday, March 19, 2010
She wakes up early to greet the sun
and stand in it’s warm morning light...
She closes her eyes to breathe the air,
and relishes it’s fresh, cool taste...
The taste of a spring rain is in the air,
and she smiles at the thought...
Off to school she walks that day,
with happiness and love in her heart.
A love for life, a love for love,
a love for every second of every day...
She feels the cool breeze flowing past her,
sweeping her hair behind her,
and making the branches sway...
Millions of thoughts race through her mind.
Of weekend plans, of summer days,
of friends who’ve gone and those who’ve stayed.
She arrives at school with happiness and love,
a love for life and a love for love,
a love for every second of every day.
She greets her friends,
she laughs and talks.
For what could be wrong this day?
Soon a shot is heard,
followed by screams and cries.
Her friends look upon her with looks of fear.
Slowly she touches her hand to the back of her head,
and fears the pain she feels.
She feels so weak,
so lost, so meek...
What’s happened to her life?
to her carefree days?
In an instant it’s done and gone...
A girl full of love,
a love for life, a love for love,
for every second of every day...
But another was filled with hatred,
for what reason? who can say...
But no reason can explain why
this young girls life did end this day...
For hate can have no reason,
there’s no excuse for what’s been done...
So many days, so much happiness,
so much living’s been taken from this girl,
in a single moment filled with hate...
So full of life, so full of love,
but gone in a single instant..
I want to scream n yell..
At d top ov my lungs..
n curse d whole world out...
I want to shout at someone..
Sayin y don't u understand?
y don't u see?
y don't u do one damn thing..?
Cnt u see me at all..?
Or am I invisible..?
Cant none tell what's going on..?
I want to knock some sense..
Into those arnd me..
n make them understand..
If it's d last thing I do...
I want sumone to see me..
To hear me, to hold me..
To do sumthin abt what's happenin inside me...
I want to yell at u all..
because u won't understand..
u won't even try to...
n after I have screamed at d world..
n cried 'till d tears are no more...
someone holds me tight...
Letting me cry on their shoulder..
cuz they finally see..
How much dis stupidness hurts me..!!
Thursday, March 18, 2010
My blog is an insight to my life…and so..I couldn’t keep “that part” of my life unmentioned…
Today as the sunshines right over my head..with no cold waves around to cuddle me..I thought of telling u something about someone dear blog!
One girl..and..her two,..”BEST BUDDIES”! “She’s had many friends..many close people..but this time it was something different..the two best buddies she had..were guys! Ah! U must be thinking what is so different?!! Being a convent girl…having “guy” friends..wasnt NORMAL! No no no! but..u know what..ignoring every thing what people said..evry taunt I got..i still regarded them as a “part” of my life.!! Everytime I was messed up..confused..my gtlk status was updated..n they were the first ones..to ask..what’s wrong..n gave me..possible solutions! In a short span of time..dunno how..bt they grew to be my “great guy frndS”..i still can’t forget those leg pullings.. those bets..those car glances..n some of those very beautiful moments..!!
As Someone has very rightly said..time never remains the same..the world around us changed..n so did everything between us..
For them I am no more than a stranger..n for me..i don’t have the guts..to tell the world..that they ARE NOT STRANGERS TO ME!! I still don’t know what went wrong..why all this had to happen..I was blamed ..but I dunno where my fault was..i wasn’t explained..!!Now when our cars cross…it’s just to exchange those bad glares and nothing else!!
God! They dunno what they did..n havent realized what they lost..All I can say is..bless them! N may they have a great life..with great friends around them! I still hope that someday atleast one of them will realize ..and think what they lost..
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
17th march 2010...Time: 8:54
I am all bathed..dressed up..n ready right at 9:00 am! U shocked? Aren’t you..? Hah!
Excitement is all over me..””Dad! get ready fast…so that we can leave…”””
Ok..ok..now breaking the suspense…I am going for a movie with friends..*a bunch of people I love the most*…
Just when I thought…How would’ve been my life like..if “these idiots” weren’t there..And shit! Just one more year left..?? JUST ONE!! Hell!!! What would happen of our “DEVILS” ( that’s what we idiots call ourselves)…Who will wipe off my tears when m low??? Who will ask me..”MOOD KYUN OFF HAI TERA??”…who will accompany me in those “belly aching laughs”?? Damn! The thought itself haunts my existence!
We aren’t friends..we our “soul sisters”..yeah! guess that’s the right word..
Its time to introduce to you to these 6 idiots of my life…(taking the alphabetical order..to be on the safer side :P )
Apoorva srivastav: Met her just 2 years ago! Her Dad got transferred..and I could see that loneliness in her eyes when we first met…friendship grew…(thanx to class 10th..bhat sir’s tutions!) 11th was the turning point of our friendship…we grew into GREAT friends! Bunked together..laughed together! U’ve always been that sweetheart apoo!! :)
Ira badyal: Met her 6 years ago! We grew into bestest friends! Can’t imagine a single day without talking to her! Ira-nivruti is treated like “ONE NAME NOW”! The most senti girl I’ve ever seen…she’s been there with me..in my thick and thin..Sacrifices..tears..hugs…that’s what describes her the best!
Kamakshi sharma : The name itself makes me laugh..haha! we’ve grown up together..14 years! Beat that Happy in her own small world..she’s the “iitian” of our group..her family is her life..and whatever her mum says becomes “the punch” of her every statement..(hahaha) muaah! To you!
Kritika kohli: she was a complete tomboy when I first met her in class 7th! N luk at her now! Killing looks! ;) she’s my dearest belonging…extra caring! Over understanding..n just my type!! We shared the same passion “cricket” and yeah! That’s what brought us so close!!
Mridula jamwal: hardly one year since we’ve met..and she has become a part of my life..she is that “daring” types in our group..!! ever ready to punch all those guys right in their face who irritate her…love your this attitude mridz!! :)
Ridhima bhasin: My Angel.!! Innocence at its best…u can always see her engrossed in her books..and her debates! (the best debator) Hardly understands our jokes..n hence the name “question mark”.!!
Life wudve been a mess if u guys wudnt have been there! Uve made my life worth living!! I always went to school for you people! *my people*..! muaah!I know we've to part our ways one day..and move on in different directions..but that's my promise to you all that I'll love you FOREVER and EVER!! :)
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Why did I dream of you last night?
Now morning is pushing back hair with grey light
Memories strike home, like slaps in the face;
Raised on elbow, I stare at the pale fog
beyond the window.
So many things I had thought forgotten
Return to my mind with stranger pain:
- Like letters that arrive addressed to someone
Monday, March 15, 2010
Just finished giving my exams…sitting back..on my chair…with no stress of counting the number of chapters to study for the next exam..an idea of blogging just struck me..i was always fascinated by the way people wrote..(Not to forget: my sis a mind-blowing writer).
So thought of giving it a try..
Just when my mom enters my room to ask what would I like to have in my dinner..”yea mom you right..my fav.curry”! (Mom’s always know how to pamper you)
Going deep into these thoughts of how caring the people around me are..i sat down to dedicate my first post to those very special people who made my life so beautiful.
Being this very popular girl of my age group (and I am not EXAGGERATING anything :P )I am always in deep troubles and super pissed by fools around me. Being the most “talked about “person.. u hate people who intrude into your lives. And believe me I am facing this same situation. Coming back home from the tiring 7 hrs of school and three hours of torturous tuitions where all you hear is “stupid stuff being talked about you” u can just lie down on your bed frowning and thinking “what is so good in my life?”
Just then my dad enters into my room..hugs me tightly and asks..”how was your day dear.? And here..i’ve got your fav.chocolates for you..come! let’s watch this on going indo pak cricket match”…this cute refreshing smile just appears on my face..and I move on to accompany him. My mom sitting on her couch…reading my face so well asks me ..”what’s wrong..? u seem low”..yeah mom..u know everything! Just then my cell phone rings (a very common phenomena with me..cause that’s the only thing which keeps ringing 24 hrs a day :D)and I have my sister at the other end..she has her great set of jokes to crack and make me a little lighter. With her I curse all those stupid jerks who were responsible for that bad day of mine. “chod naa yaar…log toh hai hi paggal..chill maar”..Words that make up my “bacha hua day”..Just when I am all high in my spirits I have texts from my “dear angels” saying : hey sugar..we know wat u are going through..but remember we are there with you..evrytime u need us”.. my heart smiles this time..and last words I utter before I sleep are “thank you god..for this beauty in my life”
No matter how tough times I face..i always have “them” to stand by me! That’s how it goes..”complicatedly SIMPLE”